A Light is Extinguished

I just found out that my daughters’ friend committed suicide yesterday.

It”s been years since I’ve seen this person, yet this is hitting me hard. This friend went on a few trips with our family when everyone was younger.

Out of respect, I’ll simply call her “B.”

I remember B as a sweet person, fun, funny, and a good soul.

At this point, I cannot even imagine the series of events that led her to her decision yesterday. What could have gone so wrong in the life of someone barely in her second decade of life?

I worked for a short time on an inpatient mental health unit at a VA hospital. We have a lot of people check in, some several times during my service there, for suicidal ideation.

After working with and talking deeply with some of these veterans, I figured out that most (let me repeat that) most people with suicidal ideation don’t actually want to end their life. They are living with situations that feel so hopeless, and never ending that they want the pain to end. They want the suffering to stop. They may feel like the only option to end that pain and suffering is suicide.

Maybe that’s where B’s thinking was yesterday.

My family is grieving her loss, as are many others.

I still remember that Halloween when she dressed up as the vomiting rainbows Snapchat filter…

That person felt joy and brought joy to others.

I’ll probably never really know what happened to bring her to yesterday. Those that are left behind are trying to make sense of something that never will.

I wish I had some profound wisdom or comforting perspective to offer, but I don’t. Someone that I remember as a light in this world is gone, and I will miss her very much.

May those of us lucky enough to know her, eventually find peace.