The 730 Project Reboot

In case you aren’t familiar with The 730 Project, it is a concept by a meme that suggests people “show up” every day for two years.

The project was a way of keeping myself accountable. A daily video journal, documenting the day to day struggles of being present and engaged actively in creating the life I want to live, and the business I want to build.

The 730 Project has been on a hiatus for several months.

When I checked my last posted video, I uploaded it on January 28, 2020…not long before Covid 19 really started whuppin’ up on the world.

Truth is, I was getting burned out with uploading those daily videos.

I set myself a task, in such a way that was unsustainable for me. I made it more complicated than it needed to be.

Further, I realized that my often long winded videos were taking up a LOT of digital storage. I insisted on shooting all of my 730 project videos in 4K. That takes up some virtual real estate.

At the suggestion of a coach I’ve been working with, I’m rebooting the 730 Project. I’ve been thinking about doing that for a while now anyway.

I’m not starting over.

If memory serves, I got up to day 153 when I stopped posting. I was overwhelmed with the standards I set for myself in creating the videos, and the time required to upload 4K videos to multiple platforms was intense.

Then, the pandemic hit. The world was upended.

The 730 Project just didn’t seem worth it then.

What am I going to say every day?

“Still in lock down…can’t see people for live events…”

Now, it’s a different story.

At the time I’m writing this, the pandemic is still affecting life dramatically, but life does go on. It is time for me to really get back on the path I’m walking.

With the counsel of my coach, I’m rebooting The 730 Project.

I’m not sure exactly what it will look like. I’m not sure exactly how I will execute it, but I will complete the project. I’ll pick up where I left off. My goals, for life and business have shifted since I began, but what it takes to build the kind of life I want for myself and my family has not…

Showing up.

I Am Fearless In My Heart

It will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, or anyone who has followed my work that I find deep, significant meaning in music, and song lyrics. 

I go through phases of listening to certain songs that resonate with me, inspire me, and motivate me. As someone living with treatment resistant depression, and anxiety, sometimes these motivational songs get a lot of play. 

A song from my youth that was a huge motivator for me is Steve Vai's "The Audience Is Listening." The music video for the song illustrates perfectly the story line of the music. A teacher is talking to a school age boy about him playing a guitar composition for his class. As the teacher introduced "Little Stevie Vai", she invites his friends to come up and play with him (forming the rest of the band).

What ensues is a loud, raucous, and sassy bit of electric guitar virtuosity. Check it out here.

Near the end of the song, "Little Stevie" and grown up Steve Vai say these immortal words:

I am fearless in my heart

They will always see that in my eyes

I am The Passion

I am The Warfare

I will never stop

Always constant,

Accurate,

And intense

For so many years, these words helped me keep going when it would have been so easy to give up. It was a reminder to myself; I am FEARLESS in my heart!

The first lines of these words, in essence, became like a mantra for me...

I am fearless in my heart 

They will always see that in my eyes

I am fearless in my heart 

They will always see that in my eyes

Over and over I would repeat the words until I felt like I could continue with my life.

But a few months ago, listening to "The Audience Is Listening" and reciting those powerful words, I choked up.

A sobering truth slammed into me like a mag lev train at full power...

It was a lie.

I realized that I am NOT fearless. 

I sent a panicked text to a dear friend and admitted that I am scared every single day. Sometimes it's what's called "floating anxiety" (a background anxiety about nothing specific) sometimes I am absolutely convinced that my partner will leave me, my children will never speak me again, the money will run out, and I'll end up cold, and alone in some gutter somewhere, dying a miserable death, and forgotten by the ages.

It's a lot, right? That's what it's like on almost a daily basis in my head.

Ah, but I missed something!

I missed something critical, and it wasn't until weeks later that I found what I missed...the phrase "in my heart."

Now I would love to drop the mike here, but I should explain.

I am a highly intellectual person. I think, rethink, and overthink...except when I'm impulsive, and I don't think...

Intellectual ways of being are very necessary. Intellectually living helps me analyze and understand things in a deep way, but intellect itself is unbalanced.

I have instinctively developed an intellectual, and logical way of being because it feels much safer than having to deal with emotions. Cold, rational, intellectual...that's the way to insulate from those pesky, and sometimes terrifying emotions.

There are things in my life that I can trace back these coping mechanisms to. That's another story.

In recent years, with the help of my partner,  I have been trying to live a more heart centered life. That is where the emotions live.

Some of this I figured out on my own. I couldn't have been a good music therapist all these years if I was all intellect, all the time. But, I still default to that way of being in times of stress.

So back to Steve Vai's words...

Remember when I was describing how the anxiety, the fear manifests itself? I said "That's what it's like on almost a daily basis in my head." (is it gauche to quote myself?)

I am FEARFUL in my head.

Like Steve Vai, I am FEARLESS in my heart.

I have ample evidence of this. When I am thinking about my business, and my spiritual journey in this life time, I have doubts, I have fears. When I approach these things from a heart centered place, there is no fear. There is only knowing. Knowing that this human being is doing his best to relate to his work and other human beings in the best way he knows how. There is knowing that what I have to share with the word is meaningful, and important, and a unique gift given to me that must be shared.

When I operate from my heart, there is more authenticity in my way of being with myself, and others. I am more truly myself.

Steve Vai's words are profound to me. I don't know if his intention was for the way I have come to understand those words, but I am grateful that he shared this part of his authenticity with the world.

Eckhart Tolle, when speaking of present moment awareness says that when we initially begin to practice it, we may only achieve a few seconds of present moment awareness at a time, but that with continued practice, we can live more and more in the present moment.

With that in mind, I look forward to the time when:

I am fearless in my heart

They will ALWAYS see that in my eyes.

Harsh Lessons on the Harvest Moon

It’s the full moon. Harvest Moon to be precise.

Guess where I am? 

That’s right! A drum circle! 

There’s about an hour left, but I’m not going to make it tonight. 

I hurt myself. 

Otherwise, I would be drumming instead of blogging. 

I fell victim to both a curse and blessing of the medicine of rhythm. From a music medicine perspective, Rhythm is medicine for the body. It brings us into alignment and connection with all life.

E. Thayer Gaston, the Father of Music Therapy, says that rhythm is the “organizer and energizer.”

It is said West African drum cultures send drummers into the fields to play rhythms to support the harvest. The harvesters can work longer with less fatigue due to the rhythmic support.

The trap I fell into tonight was giving myself over completely to the rhythm without giving attention to how my body was responding. 

Physically, I was not tired. My muscles were keeping up quite nicely with the groove. When the tempo increased, the intensity of my playing increased. I played hard.

This is the first time I brought the Senegalese djembe I carry to this drum circle, and the first time his voice has been heard in months.  

And he’s in excellent voice tonight! 

So together, we sang the rhythms, full voice. 

After several minutes of this beautifully intense drumming, the rhythm shifted and faded away. 

Only when I stopped drumming did I realize what had happened. 

I hurt myself. 

 I’m wearing my wrist and elbow supports...necessary from past repetitive motion injuries, but the damage was done.  

I tried to drum again, and was met with shooting pains. Even the egg shaker that lives in my pocket was too much. 

This is a cautionary tale.  

I’ve been drumming for years. I know to pay attention to my body, yet I got caught up in the moment. When Gloria Estefan said “the rhythm is going to get you,” she was right. 

While immersed in the wonderful trance of the dancing, and the drumming, and the fire, and the full moon, don’t forget to attend to that cord that grounds you in your physical reality. Respect all facets of that present moment. Listen to your body. 

Nothing more frustrating than sitting out the rest of the drum circle because of an injury. 

Tonight, I’ll load up on the Tiger Balm, and the pain meds and hope like hell I feel better in time for my morning practice schedule. 

Birthday Reflections

Today's my birthday.

For a long time, my birthdays have been a volatile mix of emotions.

I'm an only child, so I remember the Batman cake, and I remember inviting my whole class to a party in the park, and I remember Showbiz Pizza (before the Chuck E. Cheese rebranding) with my best friend in 4th grade...which was a big deal, because the nearest Showbiz Pizza was an hour away.

I remember that year in college when all of my friends graduated on my birthday.

My parents wished me a Happy Birthday, no one else did. I mean, I have a birthday every year...they were only graduating once. Still...

I remember the year my partner (not my current partner) surprised me by taking me to dinner...at her favorite restaurant. At least my best friend and her husband were there to celebrate with me. My best friend gave me a CD of Buddhist chants. Very cool gift...we were music majors together in college.

I remember the year that my oldest daughter was almost born on my birthday. Got back home in the middle of the night after the hospital told us we weren't achieving parenthood that night. Had a small corner bite of birthday cake.

You see, I think birthdays are important. From a spiritual perspective, it's a celebration of the day that our soul became incarnate in this life. That is a pretty big deal.

We all want to be special, right? Well, we ARE all special. No one born into this world has ever had the gifts that we have, in just the right combination, and just the right dose to be able to do what we do. It's like the Collective Consciousness said, "Okay kid! Here's what we got for you! Now go out there and see what you can do with it!"

Birthdays are a reminder that each of us (and for that voice of self-doubt, let me say again EACH of us) have gifts to share with the world, those gifts make a difference, and if we don't share them, the whole of human history will miss out.

A couple of the gifts I bring are the gifts of humor, and community building. Not long after I started working at a small hospital as a music therapist, I started playing the ukulele. Staff members began asking me to sing Happy Birthday to fellow co-workers. As happens in many restaurants, we'd gather a group of people together around the birthday boy or girl, sing, and I'd accompany on ukulele.

I was inspired to create a culture of celebration amongst the staff. I thought that we could get party decoration leis (to go with the ukulele vibe) for birthday honorees to wear and the rest of staff would know when it was someone's birthday.

Here's the (slightly off-color) humor part: I would quietly say to trusted colleagues, "Because everyone should get lei-ed on their birthday!"

Ultimately, Human Resources decided that not everyone would want their birthday so publically recognized, and the idea was declined.

To my knowledge, no one in HR heard the "get lei-ed" joke, so I don't believe that influenced the decision.

To sum up my point, here's a poem by Walt Whitman (popularized by Dead Poets Society):

O Me! O Life!

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,

Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

                                      Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

For me, that last line of the poem, the one Robin Williams's character emphasizes express what birthdays are to me now.

A time to remember that the powerful play goes on, and to celebrate that I may contribute a verse.

How's your verse shaping up?

What Inspired You to Do This?

I just finished doing a drop in drum circle on a university campus. It’s almost the end of the semester, and stress is mounting for a lot of the students there.

Students, staff, and members of campus visit tours came and went from the drum circle for over two hours.

Near the end of the event, one young woman asked a very simple, yet profound question to me: What inspired you to do this?

I smiled, and replied, “Just this!” as the groove held us.

I looked around at the people currently playing, and continued, “It’s a chance for people to play a while, smile, let go of some stress, and be part of something.”

She smiled and appeared to be satisfied with that answer, but I’ve been thinking about her question ever since.

If you listen to enough podcasts or read enough books about entrepreneurship, you’ll hear about “the why.”

Your “why” is your reason for doing something. It’s your motivation, your inspiration. It’s your reason or working over and over again to do something, and do it well.

What inspired me to do a drop in drum circle there? College students are stressed. Drum circles can provide a release for some of that stress. 

We had some first timers there. They stepped out of their comfort zone and tried something new.

There were smiles, and laughter, and looks of uncertainty. There were people inviting their friends to join in. There were people who shied away, and there were people who stayed well after their friends left. One young man sat in for a while, stopped playing and said, “I play every Wednesday, but today I’m just out of sync.” I assured him that happens to everyone now and then.

It was beautiful. All of it was beautiful.

What inspired me to do this?

Just this: The people who were taking a West African drumming class. The guys from the baseball team that drummed a bit before practice. The people dancing by as the groove drew them in. The first-timers, and the experienced players. The man who sat next to me and said, “My style is a little different. It’s Persian (I was playing a djembe).” He played for about five minutes, thanked me, and went on his way.

Rhythm.

Rhythm is what inspires me to do this. Rhythm is as close to a universal language as humans have. I could see that as the groove changed when people joined or left the circle. I could see that as people, even from a distance, began to move rhythmically to the groove.

Rhythm is how we are brought into this life. When the groove ceases in our body, we leave this life. Rhythm is one thing that truly unites all beings. A drum circle is where we can all connect. It’s where we can all create. It’s where we can be our amazing, unique, vital selves.

The looks of delight, and wonder, and smiles as all of those beautiful people shared a bit of themselves with the groove. Those are the things that make my soul sing its purpose!

Now as I bask in the groove afterglow, I take a moment to express gratitude for the beautiful experience that was created by everyone who played, smiled, changed their step to match the groove, danced.

I am feeling especially blessed for being inspired to do this work.

Aho, Mitakyue Oyasin

March for Our Lives

“Where they believe in the absolutism of an amendment, we believe in the absolutism of human life.”

— Matt Post

My wife recorded MSNBC's coverage of the March for Our Lives. Though our little one is sleeping (since it's just after midnight as I write this) our live-in family is watching the coverage together.

There have been so many impressive young people speaking during this event. Inspirational, impassioned, stirring, focused, connected, and intense.

The speakers on this stage are sharing their personal stories. They are vowing to bring change through their voices, and their votes. A young man named Cameron Kasky had a message for politicians: "Stand for us, or beware...the voters are coming."

The nine-year-old granddaughter of Martin Luther King, Jr spoke, and she spoke with the passion and the charisma of her grandfather.

This generation is motivated in a way no generation since the baby boomers has been.

If the energy of today's march in Washington D.C. is any indication, this generation will affect more change than the baby boomers ever dreamt of.

These young people are pointing out our failures, and they are not going quietly into the night.

They are organized.

They are mobilized.

They are calling BS.

They are bringing change.